Being a girl AND one of the guys

(Ed. Note: Author Jill Oakes is a professional soccer player who played last season in the WPS for the Chicago Red Stars)

I’m girly.  I sell jewelry, practice yoga, watch cooking shows,  Project Runway and What Not to Wear, and I LOVE dancing!  If I hadn’t discovered soccer, I would’ve wanted to become a dancer.  I’m also very emotional and sensitive, two typically feminine traits.  In fact, my sometimes overly sensitive alter ego has been nicknamed ‘Sensitivo’.  I’m not quite sure it needed a nickname, but it’s a running joke on me I guess.  Even so, having these “feminine” qualities does not inhibit my ability to be competitive, physical, or aggressive.  It’s the dynamic balance of both, feminine and masculine, that make female athletes so intriguing.

I am very proud to be a female athlete.  I love feeling strong and healthy, setting goals and achieving them, and challenging myself physically and mentally.  Although women are making great strides in their interest and participation in sports, I find myself amongst the boys quite often, whether they are other athletes, coaches, or fans.  These are moments when I feel particularly empowered and proud to be a woman.  It is a special quality to be able to hold your own or even dominate in any activity with the guys.  You empower what it means to be a girl.  You may not realize it, but girls everywhere benefit when you publicly display your strengths, athletic or otherwise.  You’re sending a message.  When you see one girl do it, it suddenly becomes possible for all girls to do it too.

Personally, I made my first conscious statement to the world challenging a stereotype, when I became a high school cheerleader.  Yes, it’s 100% true.  I was telling the world that cheerleaders deserve athletic respect, and that athletes are beautiful and feminine too.  I was both captain of the varsity soccer team and co-captain of the varsity cheerleading team at the same time.  How about that?

I’ll admit it, sometimes it’s just fun to feel like one of the boys.  Last Sunday, I played in the annual America Scores, charity 7 vs. 7 soccer tournament at the Home Depot Center in Carson, and was one of only two girls competing in the top bracket.  My good friend and ex-Pali Blues teammate, Liz Bogus, and I represented for all the ladies out there!  America Scores is a nonprofit organization that utilizes soccer, writing and creative expression to empower urban community children to be healthy and create change in the world.  I always love offering myself for admirable causes.  Throughout the week, I also joined an MLS player for a technical skills soccer training session, and had an intense cardio/strength training session with three of my fellow male Yoga Naga Training peers.  Finally, on Saturday, my friend, Dave, and I organized a Girls vs. Boys pick-up 5 vs. 5 soccer game.  And if I’m not mistaken, I do believe the girl’s team won… Yes. Yes we did!  :)

So what DOES it mean to be girl?  At one time, we were only cheerleaders, while boys were told not to play “like a girl.”  Nowadays, girls are tackling, competing, and enduring physical and emotional pain for success in their sport.  ‘Female’ is an evolving phenomenon.  And I believe we, as girls, control our own definition.  To me, there’s no right or wrong way to be.  There’s no “supposed to.”  You are born female, and from that moment on, everything you do for the rest of your life will contribute to what being a girl means.  You represent all girls.

We are so much more than ourselves.  I am more than just Jill Oakes, the soccer player.  I am a woman, a sister, a daughter, an auntie, an American, a Californian, a Bruin (go UCLA!), a human, etc.  We stand for so many things simultaneously.  But, I believe it is our actions that define us.  We are what we do.  And in defining ourselves, we define our associated groups.  Our actions reflect on our families, races, communities, teams, and, most certainly, genders, while inspiring others to be more than what they already are.

So today, what will you do that defines you?  What action big or small will you take?  I advise you to act on purpose.

OAKES in the Offseason

What an amazing experience being part of the inaugural Women’s Professional Soccer season has been! I’m a part of history. I’m a PRO athlete. But now it’s the offseason, and so what next?

The difficulty as a player within this first-year league is that there is very little to count on once the season ends. And with mostly year-to-year contracts, players at this point have not yet re-signed with their teams; they don’t get paid in the offseason either.

We all anticipate returning to play in the league next season, but that’s not for sure. We anticipate returning to the same city and team, but that’s not for sure either. And we seek a means to make a living for the time being, but are limited in job choices due to the fact that we’ll hopefully be leaving to begin the next WPS season within six months.

Even as we returned home in mid-August, many players still did not have clear plans for themselves. I, personally, shared the same unsettling feelings of uncertainty concerning my offseason game plan, or lack thereof. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do, or where I was going to live, or how I was going to continue my training. I just believed that I’d be able to figure it out.

It’s been almost two months since my last game with the Chicago Red Stars and this is what I’ve figured out so far:

#1:  I’ve moved into a great apartment in my hometown of LA that I’ll be subletting through February. I get my own bedroom, private bathroom, and walk-in closet, all at a reduced rate. I live with an adorable Japanese student that’s been in the US for only two years. Her accent and modest demeanor are absolutely endearing. Optimistically, I don’t foresee any roommate conflicts.

#2:  I’ve begun an incredible 6-week yoga teacher certification training program at the InFocus Wellness Institute in Santa Monica , CA . In just two weeks, I, already, have experienced revelational moments and predict this to be a transformational and life-changing experience. (More on this Yoga Naga teacher training to come!)

#3: I’ve begun running private soccer lessons and have begun working soccer clinics for the Malibu AYSO league. I love working with kids, particularly girls, whom I can also mentor and inspire as a role model. In fact, I’ve begun discussions of possible collaborations with charities to put on free soccer clinics in LA, while also taking steps to put on my own specialty camps/clinics in the future. So be on the look-out for that!

I’m feeling awesome so far!! I have been able to fit in time at the gym to maintain a strength/rehab regiment as well as a few ballwork/skills sessions per week. I am determined to not lose sight of my top priority, which is to be ready to perform next season.

I’m a firm believer in nurturing your body and allowing yourself time to rest. So my current training schedule will intensify as the next season nears. Meanwhile, I’m committed to making a difference in the lives of others through education, empowerment and compassion, so I hope to also develop a network that will allow me to utilize my knowledge and experience in order to make that difference an ongoing reality.

I’d love to hear your ideas on what the soccer community needs and/or how we, as pro soccer players, could contribute to your community in any way.  Have any ideas?

~Jill Oakes

A WPS Whirlwind Adventure 2009

(Editors Note: We profiled Jill Oakes shortly before the start of the WPS season. A high school and college soccer standout, Jill just wrapped her first season as a pro and will be a regular contributor to Pretty Tough as she, and the league, gear up for a second season).

As I reflect on the roller-coaster ride I like to call the inaugural WPS season, my own personal journey reads with the same dramatic exclamations of a thrilling 1920’s newspaper headline. “Fame! Discovery! Tragedy! Struggle! Defeat! Opportunity! Triumph!” Or perhaps I’ve just watched the movie “Chicago” way too many times, which is after all one of my top five all-time favorite movies, and ok, maybe I secretly envision myself dancing those legendary Bob Fosse moves on the broadway stage. As it happens, I ended up with my own CHICAGO story, playing for the Chicago Red Stars.

Oct 6, 2008: Fame!

Going in to the WPS Draft, I was the #2 Overall pick. After the National Team player allocation and International Player draft, I was the Bay Area FC Gold Pride’s FIRST choice! My face was splashed all over the soccer presses, right in between #1 Sarah Huffman and #3 Becky Sauerbrunn.  It was pretty dang cool I must say. Before that moment, I’d been feeling myself fall from the soccer world’s radar, then this bumped me right back in there.

Jan 2009: Discovery!

I get the invitation to attend training camp with the US Women’s National Team. Woo hoo! This was what I’d been hoping for, another shot at the pinnacle of American women’s soccer. I’d been in the player pool in past years, but like I said, I’d fallen off the radar, especially after the new head coach, Pia Sundhage, was named. She didn’t know me as a player. And I wasn’t in college anymore, able to be scouted easily. I’d been in soccer limbo, playing on various domestic and international teams, waiting for the elusive new pro league to begin since my senior season ended with UCLA in 2005. Now, I was going to be discovered again!

Jan 2009: Tragedy!

I’m forced to take myself off the training camp roster…. Even now, my throat gets a little choked thinking about it. But it was the right choice for my body, for my ailing knee specifically. ***Must keep reminding myself of that*** My less than perfect right knee that had undergone less-than-routine PCL reconstruction surgery in 2002, acted up in a way I’d never experienced before. As I turned up my training intensity, I expected my usual knee aches and post-workout swelling, but instead experienced actual pain during my workouts. It was pain that gave me what felt like an overly exaggerated limp. I don’t know if my friend Dave, who’d kindly agreed to oversee my camp preparation training, noticed, but the internal pain was definitely there. Something was wrong. And I didn’t have medical insurance! After a mad week of medical favors that allowed my knee to get an MRI and multiple doctors’ opinions, results were that wear & tear had created a case of osteoarthritis. Though the case wasn’t deemed ‘severe,’ it was unanimously agreed upon that I not go into camp and rehab, rehab, rehab. I did as they said, found a family with the Core Performance gym in Santa Monica, and turned my focus to getting ready for the WPS season.

March 2009: Struggle!

FC Gold Pride Preseason. Double-day practices, a rain-soaked turf field, and few easily available rehab/treatment options, nor a nearby training room for optimal pre- or post-practice body attention… Things weren’t looking promising for me and my knee. While getting my playing legs back underneath me on the first day, I had a pretty good performance. Day 2 came and that was it. My body wasn’t having it. Yes the knee was sore, but what also affected me was an excruciatingly painful big toe issue. My toenail was jamming into the front of my cleat every time I stopped or changed directions. I’d never felt so debilitated. I forced myself to remain in practice the rest of the week because on our arrival day, it was clearly explained that “anyone” can get cut, this meant, even their top draft pick (me). I remember being told that I looked like I was just “getting by” in practice, not standing out. I was just getting by; I couldn’t move much or very quickly without pain. Finally, enough was enough and I sat myself out completely and didn’t re-join practice until a week later when my body had finally ‘returned to equilibrium.’ When I realized that all I needed was rest, I knew that it really was just a matter of doing too much too fast, not easing or progressing back thoughtfully.

March 22: Defeat!

After one team practice, I unfortunately was rusty and not up to game-speed to perform well in our scrimmage versus the LA Sol. And although I did awesome the following weekend in a scrimmage versus the College All-Stars, I was cut the next day. On a funny note, I was at the acupuncturist office when I got the news that I was being released. Just picture…. me, lying alone on the treatment table in the tranquil room with acupuncture needles sticking out of my knee, the sound of my loud “Bad to the Bone” ringtone going off, and me, awkwardly paralyzing myself stiff and resisting the urge to fidget while I’m basically being told that I’m fired over the phone. Of course they didn’t use the words, “You’re fired,” but that’s what it is when you are forced to leave a job without any say in the matter, isn’t it? I was fired!? That’s when I realized that these are the pros now. Not college. Nothing’s guaranteed. Anything can happen.

April: Opportunity!

Will another team pick me up? Will I be out of the league for good? What would I do next? And so marked the beginning of a spiritual journey, having faith in whatever it was that was meant for me. I was surprisingly very calm and confident that something else would turn up. I didn’t know what. But, I just felt it would. Emma Hayes and Denise Reddy, coaches for the Chicago Red Stars, showed up with that opportunity. Before I knew it, I arrived in Chicago, surprising most of the girls on the team, whom were apparently not informed of my arrival. It was uncomfortable for me; I was the girl coming in to take someone’s spot. I didn’t wanna be the “bad” guy. Then, I accepted, “It’s business.” Someone inevitably took my spot on the Bay Area team. It’s nothing personal. And after about a week of my ‘trial period’, I signed a developmental player contract. I was on the team. I could check that off my list. Good for me, right? But I had a few more goals on my list that I wanted to check off too. #1: Get a contract. And I mean a real, fully paid, top-18 player contract. Ok, so compared to our male counterparts, the pay is modest, but certainly above and beyond the meager developmental player contract. #2: Be a starter. I wanted to be taking my position on the field after the team cheer, be on the field when that opening whistle blew, and be a leading force in the flow and success of our team play.

May: Triumph!

I triumphantly went on to get signed to the full 18-player roster. Then, on May 23rd, our National team players left  for a couple friendly matches versus Canada, causing them to miss our game versus St Louis. I got to start! I started at defensive midfield, the position I’d been competing for all the while I’d been in Chicago up to that point. But during the second half, I played center back.  I felt great.   I played great. And from that moment on, I was the starting center back for the Chicago Red Stars where I played for the rest of the season! I had done it, checked off both of my remaining personal goals. Wow.

Although my goals for the team and season were not fully fulfilled (we didn’t make playoffs), although I didn’t always reach my own personal performance standards at every moment on the field and although frustrations with my healing-thirsty knee remained a constant concern, I’m awfully proud of what I accomplished this season. And I’m so appreciative, humbled, and motivated to keep working and create what’s next. A great source of motivation and inspiration for me this season has been from one of our strength & conditioning coaches and friend, T. Scott. One of the things he told me was: “GREATNESS is the relentless pursuit of excellence.” To me, that means that you won’t always be perfect; you won’t always win. But, when you work persistently to master what you do, to have integrity, to be sharp, and to continually accomplish more everyday, then you will be great. Greatness is in your control. So, be great!

What’s in the near future for me? I focus on rehab and strengthening my knee; I wait on the WPS expansion draft, commencing tomorrow, Tues. September 15th, to see what team I end up on next year; I organize some soccer clinics in the LA Area; and I complete a 6-week Yoga Naga teacher training course.

Follow along on my journey – on and off the field – as I forge ahead with my athletic career.